Aging parents and driving

My dad was in an accident today. He is almost 88 and in good shape, but a horrible driver. He does go down and get his license renewed, but I won't ride with him. He pulled out in front of a car today and it hit him just behind the drives door. 3 feet sooner and he would have been killed instantly. I have not been able to find out how the other driver is yet. Mom yells at him and he just gets out of the house rather than listen to her. On the other hand, he is getting payback for the crap he gave everyone when we were all younger. He has never been wrong his entire life. How have you guys handled this situation before?

Maybe Dad was looking at the breasts and not the test. That is sure to distract you. It happens on the road all of the time though, so get used to it!

Mom is just upset because now she can't tell dad to go to the store just to get him out of her hair for a few minutes! You have to look "into" the mind of a woman, not just listen to what she says!

Just got the news over the weekend that my 83 year old Dad failed his driver's test last week. My Mom told my son "the little _itch looked like a hooker with her breasts hanging out and everything" :ohmy: :ohmy:" If you knew my Mom you would be shocked to hear her say something like this. I haven't talked to them yet as we just got back from the Bears/Atlanta game. Should be an interesting conversation though.

JET

My mom and dad have gone through this with all 4 of their parents.

It's hard to take that last bastion of freedom away, but it MUST be done.

There is one simple question to ask: If I new that it was my wife or children that would hit them next, would I let them drive?

I hope he heels soon.

My wife's cousin, father of 3 young kids, 36 years old, was killed by an elderly driver that pulled out in front of him.

We went out and saw him in the VA hospital today. He was so doped up that he was just out of it. Had no idea what was going on. I know his ribs are hurting and they make him get up and walk to keep from getting pnemonia. It hurts a lot, but the alternative is death. It is hard to see your parents get old. The problem is that I am getting there too. Wow!

They need to do some research about the widespread of dementia in older folks in this country.The older folks in europe are in much better health.

Thanks for the input guys. I suppose it will work itself out as he has lost his license already and he wrecked his car so he has nothing to drive anymore.

Ciak: I have a bike purchased at Target, w/ 3 or 4 speeds.I ride several miles daily when weather is clear and not too windy. I live on the Jersey coast, where it is flat and manageable for me. Insofar as walking, I have had back problems in the past, and they rear up again when I do excessive walking. Strangely enough, it is never an issue when I play golf. There is no doubt, that your Florida is the place to be to spend the waning years, except perhaps, the preponderance of old fogies like me. This became very clear to me when I attended a dance, and the youngest woman there was already deceased.

elcid Said: Old School: Perhaps his stubborness stems from the fact, that he does not ever want to be a burden on his children.Iam stiff necked enough to admit that is my dilemma, for the loss of driving privileges would be catastrophic in my case, for my closest child lives 50 miles away. Since I lost my beloved wife 3 years ago, I have been in a quandry bordering on a funk. I have been most fortunate healthwise by traveling to Florida in the winter, playing golf, biking, reading, dining out w/ a favorite lady, in a vain effort to relieve the guilt I feel that I survived and my wife didn t.

Florida living is the answer here. A lot of the retirement parks have a golf cart only policy. The residents even drive their golf carts to the grocery stores. Check out a place called "The Villages". If my parents were ready to go this route (no driving) this is the place I'd set them up.

JET

elcid I know I would be lost without THE LOVELY MRS CIAK . I would go crazy . She has been so good for me . If I lost her I would be so depressed . Funk would not even describe it. Florida is a fantastic place to live .What kind of a bike do you have . THE LOVELY MRS CIAK and I have and ride our bikes with lots of walking . The town I love and live in is a walking town . My daughter and THE LOVELY MRS CIAK and I are boating skiing and surf boarding today to celebrate our wonderful visit and a fond farewell to My Lovely Daughter till the next time

Old School: Perhaps his stubborness stems from the fact, that he does not ever want to be a burden on his children.Iam stiff necked enough to admit that is my dilemma, for the loss of driving privileges would be catastrophic in my case, for my closest child lives 50 miles away. Since I lost my beloved wife 3 years ago, I have been in a quandry bordering on a funk. I have been most fortunate healthwise by traveling to Florida in the winter, playing golf, biking, reading, dining out w/ a favorite lady, in a vain effort to relieve the guilt I feel that I survived and my wife didn t.

Old School. Easy for me to say but he should'nt be on the road and he knows it. Involve him in activities that don't require him driving. Take away his access to a vehicle. At his age he won't have to live long with the guilt of killing someone if he survives his next wreck, but the other side will and so will you, knowing that you could and should have acted. What if it is a young mother with children? What if the children survive and she does'nt? What if the mother is paralysed for the rest of her life? Can you deal with that? It isn't about "him getting payback for all the crap....." It is about being capable and responsible, both of you know that.

Cid; I am not criticizing anyone. Just don't know what to do. My dad HAS to do something or he will go crazy. He has worked his whole life. How do you tell him that he can't drive anymore. I believe he will find out when he can't get another car or insurance or a license. If you look up stuborn in the dictionary, they have his picture there. I feel badly for him; even worse for the person he pulled out in front of. Who wll be next? My children? Yours? Bummer for all involved!

I am an octogenarian (81), and I have been told that I am indeed a rare commodity cause I have no health issues and primarily cause I drive at nite. (Also, can handle a 36 ft ladder by myself). What ticks me off when driving are drivers w/ a cell phone in one hand, and bikers w/ no lites or reflectors on their bikes. Just set the throttle on cruise control within 10% above the posted limits , and get upset when youngsters pass me by and give me the finger.

I'm the last. Both my brother and sister are dead. There are no other relatives except for my moms brother who is 85 and in assisted living now. I have to take care of both of them. My uncle thinks POA means Personal on call assistant.